Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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