I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
