I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
