i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
