Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
