So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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