think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh god it's open bar.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
