i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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