can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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