if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
