FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
