I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
