When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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