One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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