I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
