I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How does one acquire holy water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize