i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
