College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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