nut hugger
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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