how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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