Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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