Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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