im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
