Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just google imaged poop.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
