its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
