Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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