sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
