So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
