Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
