I'm really into asian looking animals
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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