he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
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"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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