Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
