so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
