okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
