Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
