Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
