The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
