Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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