i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
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Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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