she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
