I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
