when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
