Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
