oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
