We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Damn victory sex feels great
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
