I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
