We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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