I wish I could teleport
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
