i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
