I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
