ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.