You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.