I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
