some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize