There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
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he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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