dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
