Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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