did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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