I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize