So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
