is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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